And Here I Am

It's been a really tough few weeks for me. I've lost my very best friend and lost a group of friends. I have spent too many nights in my room just over thinking everything, and now more than ever i am missing a boy who i let slip away because i made a lot of selfish and mindless decisions a few months ago.
I was scrolling down my dash on Tumblr and saw this survey. It's been a while since i've actually thought about silly or random stuff in my life. The usual stuff going through my head just gets me and keeps me in a crappy mood. I didn't want to post this on good old FB for people who don't really give a shit. (We all know people just have those to brag about how much fun their lives are and to stalk girls they hate or boys/girls they like) and this definitely isn't under 140 characters to fit in a tweet. So for all of you people who have missed me blogging (litterally giggling to myself) and want to hear from my smart-ass/sarcastic mouth here is a little treat for you. Just know that i really am going to try to be better at blogging, Shoot, it gives me something better to do than sit on toxic social networking site or go broke on all my favorite clothing pages.

• 1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? 

 The last person would have to be either my mom or dad, and yes, i know they love me. more than anyone i know.

• 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? 

That would be perfect actually, did you hear JB is now 18? hey baby, you can be my boyfriend.

• 3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? 

let me just think, when was the last time i was around Chris Cruz? that kid knows how to push my buttons and make me laugh until i am gasping for air all at the same time. Never argue with him, 98% of the time he wins.

• 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? 

I do all the time. I would love if more strangers smiled at me. i might walk around a happier person. The little things..

• 5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? 

If i were talking to or dating someone, i could imagine there might be at least one.. everyone likes someone. all i know is there are mass amounts of girls that add me on FB and follow me on Twitter because i'm friends with a lot of boys. (probably boys they like).

• 6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? 

Back In Your Head by Tegan and Sara is playing right now. They remind me of my sister Sarah always. She is how i heard them (:

• 7. What exactly are you wearing right now? 

My pink corduroy pants with a thin brown braided belt. my blue levi button down sleeveless shirt with the bottom two buttons tied! 

• 8. How often do you listen to music? 

i have to listen to it at least 60% of my day or i go mad.

• 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? 

Jeans. i only own like 4 pairs of sweat, 3/4 of which are extremely ugly and awkward.

• 10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013? 

i sure hope so.

• 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? 

lately, antisocial.. towards most people. i'm social with the select few. i mostly am just sick of people lately.

• 12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? 

Nope! haah

• 13. What about ‘R’? 

let me think through the list... JOKING. i have not. haha

• 14. Can you drive a stick shift? 

Say hello to my baby Conrad who is a stick shift.

• 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? 

People can talk bad all they want, i just try to make sure i don't do anything that i wouldn't care people to talk about. as long as i'm ok with it, i don't care if they are. and if they don't like me then they can GTFO (:

• 16. Are you going out of town soon? 

i'm supposed to be out of town right now, but plans changed.

• 17. When was the last time you cried? 

Yesterday? yes. Yesterday.

• 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? 

i tell a handful of people i love them. but only if i really do. that word shouldn't be thrown around like nothing!

• 19. If you could change your eye color, would you? 

Hell na. 90% of the compliments i receive are on my eyes. i'm fine with that!

• 20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? 

There are a few. <3

• 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. 

i dislike the fact that i had plans tonight but they forgot about me, like most people do. and now i'm doing this.

• 22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? 

how isn't that cute..?

• 23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

"talked to" means so many different things these days. but i'm not dating anyone so no.

• 24. What are you sitting on right now? 

The worlds most uncomfortable chair EVER

• 25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? 

Zane, Maddie Olsen, Ashley P, Dallyn, Bitton, Spencer Johnson, Keri King, Robby (:

• 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? 

Right now. I really messed things up. SO MANY REGRETS. i'm the biggest fool.

• 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? 

Ashley Pringle <3

• 28. Do you get a lot of colds? 

Not usually, but i can't breathe out of my left nostril right now.. cold or allergies i have no idea!

• 29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? 

The D.I. i ain't gonna lie!

• 30. Does anyone hate you? 

Maybe! big deal, though.

• 31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? 

yea, because i drink by myself all the time.. what? no.

• 32. Do you like watching scary movies? 

good ones!

• 33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

i saw a girls right after she got it done and that shit looked like it hurt so damn bad. i'm fine without one, thanks!

• 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? 

second grade was the worst. THAT YEAR!

• 35. Did you have a dream last night? 

i did! i was cruisin around on the golf cart at the school then all the sudden it turned into a boat and i was outside of the beach house in Hawaii i was at a year ago today.. weird. don't ask me why.

• 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? 

 Today! i can't remember exactly when but  i have said it today, and i meant it!

• 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? 

hell. no.

• 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? 

yea. like anger, bitterness, hatred. those sorts of feelings. SORRY

• 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? 

There are a lot of people out there that know things about me, good and bad, so possibly.

• 40. Did you have a good day yesterday? 

yesterday wasn't a bad day! (:

• 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? 

more of one than i am now. it's real how things change so quick, i hate it!

• 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? 

Probs my mom. and my dog. they women. IT COUNTS! 

• 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? 

Yea, then they ignored me for like a month and a half. so i just laugh every time someone says that to me. That's a freakin joke!

• 44. What’s the best part about school? 

sometimes i see pretty good looking boys. and it gives me a place to wear some bad ass clothes.

• 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? 

um.. to those people whose profile picture is a car or cartoon, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

• 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? 

me and Zaner exchange notes every once in a while. but thats about it.

• 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

which would explain why i am so sleep deprived..

• 48. Were you single over the last summer? 

Too single.

• 49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? 

no. and i wish it was. my best friends didn't only talk about weed and alcohol, we played outside, and could just sit around talking.

• 50. Who is the prettiest girl you know?

Cheyenne Gooch. inside and out.

• 51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? 

i love me some Robby Goins. He is the best (:

• 52. Are you nice to everyone? 

nope. i'm going to be straight up, i'l be nice unless you're a dumbass or a dick. i'm not afraid to call you out on something.

• 53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? 

and now i can't get over him. help?

• 54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? 

is that supposed to be impressive? what has this world come to? of course i could!

• 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? 

yea, because i usually don't even know what i'm feeling. how can i show it?

• 56. Do you think you like someone? 

i know i like someone. i more than like him. and it's scaring me half to death.

• 57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

does a cardboard cutout count? Sup JB.

• 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? 

boys. even though i usually end up liking them at one point, they don't stab me in the back as much.

• 59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? 

i like to pretend i'm tough, but i'm a cryer for sure. many people have seen me cry, unfortunately.

• 60. Do you hate anyone? 

i think badly of people, i don't hate anyone. i don't hate you because of something you did. i just think you're a shitty person for doing it.

• 61. How’s your heart? 

tired, lonely.

• 62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? 

The trail incident. 

• 63. Have you ever cried over a guy? 

I sure have. bawl baby!

• 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? 

There could be a few. People don't understand why i do the things i do and it comes off wrong. I'm sure there are some running their mouths, but thats ok. they are the ones looking like fools talking behind my back about something they don't completely understand instead of just coming to me and asking "what's going on?"

• 65. Are your toenails painted pink? 

a green-ish color!

• 66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

i've never had a kiss that's a mistake. and i don't plan on it!

• 67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

Girls love it when boys cry about real, serious things. don't cry in a movie.

• 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? 

it was a sport in the seventh grade. i miss allie and bitchell.

• 69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

Mr. Robby Goins.

• 70. How do you look right now? 

let's just say i got ready for the day to do fun stuff, and i haven't changed.

• 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? 

Hello, my name is Chelsea Porter. and if you don't like me for who i am, then GTFO (:

• 72. Can you commit to one person? 

i can.

• 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? 

Nope!

• 74. Have you ever felt replaced? 

ahem, story of my entire life.

• 75. Did you wake up cranky? 

i did. but that was because i woke up extremely hungry and early.

• 76. Are you a jealous person? 

yes, but that is one emotion i am very good at controlling.

• 77. Are you obsessed with anything?

            flower pants, peter pan collar shirts, galaxy leggings, and The Vampire Diaries.

•  78. Anyone you’re giving up on? 

I can't even count how many people i have given up on lately. sucks to be douche bags, i guess.

• 79. Currently wanting to see anyone? 

currently always.

• 80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? 

 i have zero obligations.

• 81. Last person you cried in front of? 

My mom. She's my bestfriend.

• 82. Is there someone you will never forget? 

 A few. bestfriends, boyfriends.

• 83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? 

i think he doesn't give two shits. AWESOME

• 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? 

Eating ice cream, laughing, talking, bickering, making faces at each other. enjoying each others company, like always. 

• 85. Are you over your past? 

i'm dwelling on my past.

• 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? 

i fall for my friends easily because its already how a good relationship should be.

• 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? 

absolutely not.

• 88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? 

i accepted, and now he is one of my best friends.

• 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? 

of course, we've been friends for like 5 years!

• 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? 

yep. but he stuck around longer than they did so who won that one?

• 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? 

That is a lovely thought.

• 92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? 

Phelps! he was in my math class.

• 93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? 

I have not kissed a matthew.

• 94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

in January i was in a relationship with the wrestling team. spending my weekends on bleachers eating fruit snacks.

• 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? 

March has been a great month with the person i like.

• 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

Alec Carter is an attractive boy. hahaha (:

• 97. Who do you have texts from? 

Zane, Alec, Ashely, Bitton, Robby, Mom, Sporter, and like 20  more. i don't delete messages.

• 98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? 

well shit. that's AWESOME.

• 99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? 

i have only kissed boys older than me. by at least a year.

• 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? 

no one, in any of them haha i'm selfish.

• 101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

kind of?

• 102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? 

i have really bad anxiety, it doesn't take much to give me butterflies!

Love Chels XOXO <3